Did you know that dating used to be fun? Human courtship protocols that have been hardwired into us over millennia are very different to the way love and romance happens in 2020. Could this be the reason that people complain about the difficulties of dating and that divorce and fractured families are increasingly the norm?
Kit’s Zoom workshop – “The 5 Stages of Dating”
Email me at Kit@MarsVenusCoaching.com if you fancy coming to find out more at my Zoom Workshop on Saturday from 5 – 7 pm UK time.
At a safari park I happened to witness a pair of ostriches embark on a courtship ritual. The cock initiated the process by strutting his stuff to gain the hen’s attention. Getting her interested took a while but he persisted in displaying all his best moves. They ranged from running dives to intricate sequences including wing flaps and repeated head dips with that extraordinarily flexible neck.
We were spellbound by the naked purpose unfolding before us but you could tell Ms Ostrich had seen it all before and she barely batted a luxuriantly lashed eye at his antics. Apparently in many bird species, the male alone will dance for his female while she observes his actions, while in other species both partners interact with one another.
Melissa Mayntz writes in Bird Courtship Behaviour, “it is important that the rituals not be disturbed. Attracting mates is a demanding process, and any disruption could harm a pair-bond and cause the birds to abandon their efforts. If mating is interrupted, the birds may ultimately choose less suitable partners or not mate at all.” Can you relate to this?
She goes on to explain that, “Mistakes in the dance show inexperience, weakness, or hesitancy and would not likely lead to successful mating.” We sensed this and sat motionless and entranced in our car.
After a while, Ms Ostrich responded with some sexy moves of her own and they embarked on a sensual dance that involved mirroring of intricate neck movements and much flapping and prancing. Their concentration was total and the action needed no translation as the aligned themselves in preparation for mating. It had conveyed such an unmistakable and potent force that, I recall, I had became warm and breathless in vicarious arousal!
Dating should be fun. It should be just as much of a compelling a ritual for humans as it clearly was for those ostriches on that memorable day. It is sad to see people becoming stressed and anxious about the difficulty of aligning your life with another’s.
In the courtship dance, when your partner takes a step forward you take a step back. This mirroring not only avoids graceless collisions, it aligns the couple in a complimentary co-creation that is the essence of the right sort of dating to lead to a successful conclusion.
Email me at Kit@MarsVenusCoaching.com if you fancy coming to find out more at my Zoom Workshop on Saturday from 5 – 7 pm UK time
Kit’s Zoom workshop – “The 5 Stages of Dating”